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Analysts say the craziest things

The Macalope | April 14, 2014
It is not true that becoming a Wall Street analyst drives you insane. Most of them were insane long before they graduated from college, got a house in Greenwich, CT, and went to work writing ridiculous stuff about Apple.

You know what? Just leave the kids alone for crying out loud.

Highs and lows
Seriously, what does one have to do to get one of those sweet gigs being an Apple analyst at a Wall Street firm? Because making bad speculations for good money sounds pretty awesome.

Let's start with this one:

"JP Morgan sees Apple further eating away at Windows PC market with sub-$1000 iOS notebook"

Any time you see a rumor about Apple moving down the cost scale to compete with low-margin devices you should really pause and reflect on, oh, the entirety of Apple history.

Analyst Rod Hall sees Apple adding a keyboard and mouse centric user interface to its iOS platform within the next 12 months, while also keeping the touch friendly functionality of the operating system.

Because the Surface has been such a smash success.

This new, more full-featured version of iOS, which he refers to as "iAnywhere," would cannibalize sales of the MacBook Air, but also traditional Windows PCs that thrive in the price range between $500 and $1,000, he said.

So, Apple would forego sales of its higher margin product in order to get into that sweet, low-margin PC business. OK, it might do that—if it thought that's where all the growth was going to be. And maybe that's true. But the problem with analysts is that they look at a market and try to jam devices into gaps in it. That's not how you design a great product.

Just slapping a mouse and keyboard on an iOS devices isn't it either. What the heck are you going to do with a mouse on iOS? And you can't fit a full-sized keyboard on a 10-inch iPad, so you'd have to change the screen size. Well, that's a whole can of worms. And those worms are each holding a tiny can full of other worms. It's worms all the way down, really.

That's not to say it's impossible, but there's a host of considerations that don't fit on a spreadsheet.

So, one analyst says Apple's moving down the price scale. Interesting. The Macalope wonders if we can find another one who says Apple's moving up the price scale?

Enter KGI analyst Ming-Chi Kuo.

"Apple to sell two sizes of iWatch with flexible AMOLED displays this fall, prices to reach 'thousands of dollars'"

Apple devices cost too much!

Yes, that's right, you heard it from Ming-Chi Kuo first: The iWatch will cost thousands of dollars.

One of the major differences between Apple's smartwatch and those from rivals will be looks. Unlike current designs from the likes of Samsung and LG, Kuo predicts the iWatch casing and band will come in a variety of materials.


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