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The Macalope Daily: Adorable

The Macalope | Jan. 4, 2013
Forbes has really been on a tear as 2012 gasped its last breath and 2013 stepped in, wondering what it had done to deserve this. Having foisted on us not one, but two "I'm leaving the iPhone!" pieces by pundits who haven't actually decided that they're leaving the iPhone, the publisher of "Information for the World's Business Leaders" would now like us to enjoy some more delicious tripe.

Whoa, whoa, ha, OK, there are a whole lot of fluffy Intel kittens in that paragraph, so let's try to carefully unpack them, because they are so very precious. You're saying that Intel, which made $33 billion in 2011, is less adverse to spending money than Apple, which made $45 billion in fiscal 2011? That Apple, which has almost three times as much cash as Intel does, only knows how to spend it in $10 million increments? Is that what you're saying?

Huh, guess that data center must have been cheaper than we all thought.

Intel is also prepared to invest heavily in making it a success. In contrast, Apple, Google, and Microsoft have always viewed Hollywood as something of a hobby.

It's probably not an adversity to spending money that's keeping Apple from making deals with Hollywood. It's more likely an adversity to making monstrously stupid business decisions.

Update: Intel is scheduled to hold a press event at CES, but a spokesperson has clarified that the company will not be announcing anything related to this product or holding any public demos.

Well, sure. It takes time to get all the rainbows and kittens and fairy elves into the cloud-connected boxes. And then you have to put all the stickers on them.

Or maybe just throwing cash at the problem didn't end up seeming like such an awesome idea.

Intel Corp.'s effort to develop an Internet-based TV service and associated hardware is taking longer than expected, people familiar with the company's plans say, in part due to delays in reaching content agreements with media companies.

That sound you just heard was a really hungover unicorn throwing up.


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